When All Hopes Were Lost...(This is not a lyric..haha)

My mind is blinded, i'm in a dark room which i even barely can't see my hand...all hopes were lost, i'm the only hero left who should save myself from this nightmare..why the fuck am i doing this? letting those instincts controlled everything...until another explosion took place at the locations which i should protect, the same mistake happened again and living with the conclusion is a must..bombs full of hatred killed me so many times but i have to fight back although it's painful..where are all the old places which were used to be there? where are all the beautiful heavenly garden that used to cover the uglinest of the paradise? and why the fuck am i crying because of this lost? is there any second chance to fix this torned heart? days and weeks i've been waiting for my wishes to come true but it turns out to be another failure, i hate saying "i will fight this all"...i don't have a secret weapon to kill this painful obstacles..it sucks which they're still continuing the devastation during my helpless days, in my mind all i think about is how to get through with this? should i accept the invitation to a place where i don't know is it heaven or hell or should i just move on with this disasterous pain, thinking that one day i will have the courage to fight with one hand? god please give me the power that i had once before so i can get through with this...send me an army to start another war...and this time i'll blow their fucking heads off once and for all, i will leave my confidence behind..i mean i WILL! and...i hope there's no more dusts in my mouth...now, ATTACK!